A brief note that I bear no real ill will toward Riverwood’s IB program, or the IB in general. Don’t take any of this too seriously.
Myth: The IB Diploma will help you get into an Ivy League school.
Reality: You misheard “IB League,” a consortium of four schools in Sweden with a combined student population of 600.
Myth: IB stands for International Baccalaureate.
Reality: “Baccalaureate” isn’t a real word. IB stands for Inundated with Busywork.
Myth: Riverwood wants you to write an Extended Essay about something you’re interested in.
Reality: Riverwood wants you to write an EE about Frankenstein and will throw a temper tantrum if you don’t.
Myth: The MYP Personal Project is important preparation for your IB Diploma.
Reality: Unlike in the MYP project, students don’t learn anything from the IB Program.
Myth: IB Bio is a good class to take if you want to become a doctor.
Reality: IB Bio is a good class to take if you want to become an IB Bio teacher.
Myth: IB Theater is an easy IB class.
Reality: IB Theater is the easy IB class.
Myth: Higher-level IB Math was canceled because nobody passed the exams.
Reality: IB Math HL was canceled because Mr. Gribble didn’t want students knowing more math than him.
Myth: Riverwood is introducing AP Calculus BC next year so that the juniors in IB AA Y2 have a math class to take.
Reality: Someone at Riverwood realized there’s a minimum number of STEM APs you need to qualify for national grants.
Myth: IB AA SL Y1-Y2 is short for “International Baccalaureate Analysis and Approaches, Standard Level, Year 1 and Year 2.”
Reality: “IB AA SL Y1-Y2” was found carved into several ancient Mayan temples, but it is yet to be deciphered.
Myth: IB Math AA is significantly harder than IB Math AI.
Reality: They’re the same class, but AA students are nerds so we assume their classes must be harder.
Myth: IB Theory of Knowledge is a waste of your time.
Reality: IB Theory of Knowledge is a waste of everyone’s time.
Myth: In IB Theory of Knowledge, you learn about the connections between fields of study, encouraging a more holistic understanding of your studies and the world around you as you prepare for college.
Reality: In IB Theory of Knowledge, we played a good amount of GeoGuessr.
Myth: IB Art requires you to sell your soul to the devil to pass.
Reality: You can still manage a B average in IB Art if you ace all of the other assignments.
Myth: In IB 20th Century History, you will learn about the entire 20th century.
Reality: Psych! This class is just a rehash of the second semester of APUSH. Everything else would take too long.
Myth: APUSH students are given a lot of work to do.
Reality: APUSH students have to take notes in class, and they don’t like it.
Myth: You will enjoy IB Economics if you are good at math.
Reality: The only thing you need to enjoy IB Economics is a pair of noise-cancelling headphones.
Myth: Riverwood offers IB Physics.
Reality: Riverwood offers 1B Physics; that is, physics during the first period on B days.
Myth: There is practically no difference between IB Chem SL and HL.
Reality: Chem HL students are way more pretentious.
Myth: IB Lit involves analyzing literature and evaluating the means by which authors present universal “global issues” in their texts.
Reality: IB Lit involves remembering what a caesura is and not using the word “shows.”
Myth: In IB Lit, the culmination of the class is an Individual Oral, in which you analyze two works of literature across fifteen total minutes.
Reality: The culmination of IB Lit is when there are two minutes left and you’re told to turn to the journal section of your Learner Portfolio.
Myth: IB Lit is the hardest IB class.
Reality: The only people who say this are people who have never taken the true hardest class. That’s right: IB Sports Medicine.
Myth: IB Business is good preparation for having a job in the real world.
Reality: Actually, this is true – IB Business students use AI for everything and watch movies while they should be doing work, just like actual office workers.
Myth: IB Japanese students are just a bunch of anime-obsessed weebs.
Reality: There’s not enough of us to be considered a “bunch” anymore.